You might think it’s kinda crazy but….
I really think it is time to Disrupt the old versions of self-love! Self-worth is so much better!
So many people ask me how they can increase their self-esteem. I used to think the sure fire way was to set a small goal for yourself, accomplish it and feel your sense of self appreciation rise. While that is still a good way to build your self esteem, it is very dependent on the very conditional notion of “performance” as a way to approve of yourself. I don’t want to throw away the baby with the bath water, but there are better, less conditional ways to build a healthy self-love.
BUT I caution folks on pinning their hopes and investing heartily in self love… especially if they have not done some serious analysis of their family-culture’s love style…… Love can carry with it the energetic and the patterns of a toxic family-culture love. Without deep awareness, you could be promoting the kind of love you learned and then normalized as you were coming up in the world. The task master love where you learned to love yourself in a very manipulative way, inducing guilt within if you don’t measure up to an unbalanced set of expectations.. This is a bullying love which is very common in families that are overly focused on achievement as the only way to earn love.
Or you could be loving yourself in a way that constantly makes you the victim… overly self indulgent and feeling sorry for yourself and having inappropriate, overly demanding expectations of others that have not shown themselves to be wiling or able to give you what you want from them. There are so many versions of toxic love and to put that style of love onto your fragile journey toward self-love, can have terrible repercussions.
Self-worth has a much more neutral definition that is not laden with the notions of family-culture love and its multi toxic versions. It is not hard to think of someone having self-worth. A person with self worth will more readily say no when they don’t feel quite right in a situation…..Quite simply, when you value yourself, when you think you are worthy, you will not forget yourself or discount your feelings. You are paying attention to yourself. You are stopping and feeling your deep self. You are noting that you are not comfortable and you don’t just poo poo it away or numb out the feeling. You feel worthy of being listened to. You are simply making decisions in your life based on the revolutionary idea that you matter… period.
Repetitive decision made based on self worth will assuredly lead you to a good path of self hood. This is what leads to healthy versions of self-love. This is the real road to self-esteem and healthy self-love and all the good side benefits that come with it!
#selfworth
#disruptmultigenerationalfamilybullshit
#CourageousConversations
#Disrupttoxicselflove
Keep seeing yourself as valuable and worthy and good things will happen!
Warmth and light,
Victoria :):)
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