Rewire Your Relationship-Culture
By Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, RP, CCC
You are doomed to repeat old family patterns and foist them onto the next generation unconsciously if you do nothing about the dysfunction carried with you from your family-culture. Left unanalyzed, your patterns will repeat and they will do damage. How your emotions play out in your relationships, how you behave in your relationships and how your relationships evolve are all a part of your relationship-culture.
Rewiring your relationship-culture involves understanding that your brain is an elegant machine that forms new neural pathways every time you develop a new way of doing something especially if you practice the new behavior often. It’s nature’s way of supporting us when we try to make good changes for ourselves.
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Welcome to my world where limitless
possibilities can be reached!
My name is Victoria Lorient-Faibish. I am a Registered Psychotherapist (RP) with the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario. I am also a Relationship Expert. I hold a Masters degree in Educational Psychology (MEd) and I am a Certified Member of the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCC) as well as a member of the Ontario and American Polarity Therapy Associations (BCPP Board Certified Polarity Practitioner).
I’ve been in practice since 1990 and in addition to my traditional psychotherapy training I have over 8 years of training in eastern philosophy body-centred modalities including Polarity Therapy, Reiki, New Decision Therapy and Craniosacral. I offer an East meets West, holistic approach to psychotherapy, that I call Holistic Psychotherapy, in which a foundational process is the framework for profound self awareness and transformation.
So honoured that the incomparable
Dini Petty wrote the forward to the book!
“This book would have made my journey shorter and easier. It will guide you through your family matrix, into dating in the modern world, how to spot relationship dysfunction from the start and finally lead you into healthy relationships and enduring marriages… if you wish to transform your life and your relationships, the path lies within these pages.” Says Dini Petty about this book!
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What Is “Relationship-Culture”?
Our relationship-culture lurks in every single one of us! If you do not analyze and process the family-culture in which you grew up, you are doomed to repeat old patterns. The very matrix of how you react to your dates, relationships, partners or spouses is embedded in your neural pathways, your reactions, your patterns and your ways of being. You have no choice but to play that matrix out in your life if you do nothing about it. Left unanalyzed, your patterns will repeat. Your relationship-culture is your external expression of your family-culture.
How your emotions play out in your relationships, how you behave in your relationships and how your relationships evolve are all a part of your relationship-culture. The key is to know exactly what your relationship-culture is—the collection of repetitive patterns that may or may not be dysfunctional. Awareness is the key. Yet awareness alone can do nothing. More needs to happen for change to occur if change is needed. If the patterns that you inherited from your family-culture are dysfunctional and negatively impact your relationship-culture, then real change needs to happen lest you perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction in yourself and for generations to come.
In this book, I discuss many ways for a person to do something concrete to effect change in response to any awareness that may arise. To effect real change and to create a new normal, a “rewiring” of the neural pathways associated with the relationship-culture needs to evolve. To be clear, this is not about throwing everything away that you learned from your family-culture. Please keep whatever is working and is functional and healthy.
This book is about becoming aware of what is not working with regard to what you inherited from your family-culture so that you can create a new, fully unique, personalized, choice-filled, healthy, mindful relationship-culture that you now, completely and consciously, bring into your adult relationships.
By rewiring your relationship-culture
you will be able to:
- Move past multi-generational
- Know and honour yourself fully
- Understand the rules for dating in a healthy and empowering way
- Spot relationship dysfunction from the start such as Codependency, Narcissism and Commitment Phobia
- Set good boundaries for yourself
- Understand the keys to healthy relationships with my pre-marital check list
- Know the Fundamentals for Long-Term, Passionate Relationships!
Some quotes from the book!
“Another good description of codependency is “when a person’s self-esteem rises and falls based on the other person’s mood, tone or experience.” But it is actually much more than that. The person is overly involved in the other person’s needs, wants, problems and issues. In reality, some of the nicest people in the world are codependent, and if not watched, all relationships have the potential to become codependent. Codependency takes healthy emotions and corrupts them.”
“A good relationship-culture is one that includes couples noticing and paying attention to each other in small ways. Goodwill deeds and random acts of kindness are like a healing elixir for a couple who wants a long-term and passionate relationship-culture.”
Vulnerability heals conflict
“If you are in a discussion with your partner and find yourself defensive, irritable or annoyed, know that if you choose to sit with yourself quietly and pay attention to your inner thoughts, you will allow your real feelings to surface, which inevitably will be more vulnerable feelings that will be less damaging to the dynamic. Once you are in touch with those feelings, I encourage you to come the discussion with that instead.”
“But like the frog that doesn’t know it will boil to death when placed in a pot of cold water that is put atop a hot burner, people don’t know they are in a kind of self-destructive madness when they blindly repeat the same actions and travel the same emotional and relationship trajectories as they go through their lives in a semi-autopilot way.”
“It is important that you not become this chameleon, who simply reflects what is in your environment, because that can eventually wear you out. I observe that people who, after years of doing this, end up feeling depressed and disconnected from their core selves. They have, in effect, stunted the development of their self-culture. I encourage people to be brave and to be themselves. This is the only way to attract back to you the kind of person who fits with you.”
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