I have battled with the conflict of feeling guilt when I say “no” versus the feeling of shame and self loathing when I say “yes”,  when I do not want to.

Can you relate?  Well you are not alone. When these two juggernauts are competing for air time in your mind and body, you know you are at a major tipping point in your life. You are about to change everything. You are about to take back you life!

You are about to start the arduous and painstaking process of choosing something that feel shitty-Stopping giving into guilt.

Yet to do the other…to say yes when you do not want to, is to feel even shittier!

So many people say to me… “NO! I hate feeling the guilt. It kills me! I hate seeing others disappointed in me!”  It is incredibly normal to just want to avoid or block uncomfortable feelings. We go about the business of avoiding people, places, situation and things that will bring on guilt. We avoid. We hide from those we don’t want to let down. Sometimes we even do that awful thing called “ghosting” to just not have to deal with the person we do not want to say no to.  And then sometimes….we will just say “Eff it! It is too hard to deal with the pain of the guilt of saying “no”. So we will just say yes. Ugh!

BUT that leads to feeling a sense of deep disappointment in oneself. A sense of shame that we did not stand up to the guilt and that we have let ourselves down. We allow others to control us and we learn to disregard our very wants and needs at our core. This turns into a self loathing and a profound rationalizing away of our very nature.

This can ultimately lead to deep depression and anxiety depending on the make-up of the person. This is what I call the loss of “Self-Culture”…. the death of the healthy self. It is the toxic feeding of the poison of complying to other’s wants and totally sacrificing what is good and healthy for the self.

Here is the answer: Choose to BE YOUR OWN HERO!
DECIDE TO BRAVELY work with your guilt!  Understand that embracing the discomfort of guilt consistently versus avoiding it or giving into it will, over time, gets so much easier. The pain of the guilt will slowly have less of a grip on you. It is accepting that discomfort is a part of growing and becoming your real self.  You CAN do this!

This is by far much much easier that dealing with the toxic destruction of shame and self loathing which WILL always catch up to you. I guarantee it!  Now go be your own hero!

Blessings,

Victoria 🙂

Victoria Lorient-Faibish RP, MEd
Holistic Psychotherapist, Speaker and Author