I love the analogy of the of the race horse who at warp speed is running its best race, has blinders on and is crushing it… Then something distracts him. He notices, his competitor. He looks to the side and BOOM.. His speed diminishes. His momentum is lost and he automatically begins to lose time, focus and his winning trajectory become compromised.
We can learn so much from that scene. We are unique beings on our own trajectories and journeys. In order to keep generating momentum, it is essential that we stay focused on our journey… not our neighbour’s or our colleague’s or even our family member’s journeys.
The other important insight that I want to share with you is that so often we see ourselves through the filters and eyes of others.
This happens especially if the family-culture is one that is all about boundarlyless strong opinions…
Everyone does not feel free. There is a feeling of being tracked under a microscope. Judgements and criticism are the main commodities on offer in these kinds of families. The family members (especially the kids) will, in this environment, feel unsafe emotionally and conclude that, to make a mistake or be imperfect are not allowed and will be met with shaming, punishment, judgement and at its worst, rejection and abandonment.
The person grows up to not have a fully developed sense of self and instead, massive amounts of self doubt, self criticism and inevitably self bullying are the foundations for then developing anxiety, depression and self sabotaging behaviour later.
Insights:
- The more you see yourself through your own eyes of self acceptance and compassion, the more you will be able to feel peaceful with your own human and flawed self.
- See yourself as a precious and unique soul. Not one other human is just like you.
A wonderful and wise profit names Osho said: “Who ever told you that the bamboo is more beautiful than the oak, or the oak more valuable than the bamboo?Do you think the oak wishes it had a hollow trunk like this bamboo? Does the bamboo feel jealous of the oak because it is bigger and its leaves change color in the fall?
The very idea of the two trees comparing themselves to each other seems ridiculous, but we humans seem to find this habit very hard to break.
Let’s face it, there is always going to be somebody who is more beautiful, more talented, stronger, more intelligent, or apparently happier than you are. And conversely, there will always be those who are less than you in all these ways.
The way to find out who you are is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether you are fulfilling your own potential in the best way you know how.” |
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