Transcribed from my video at www.youtube.com/askvictoria.
At every turn in a relationship we are teaching people what is acceptable or not in our dealings with them. Being very aware of what you are allowing in your dynamics with friends, partners, family, bosses and coworkers is extremely important.
Today’s topic is: we teach people how to treat us. It is an incredibly common topic. Clients come in and they feel mistreated, victimized, berated, belittled, by a variety of people in their lives. They feel they are passed up for promotions, constantly being borrowed from, with money that isn’t paid back or books that aren’t returned, they feel taken advantage of. It’s a tough situation to be in a relationship with that kind of person, but you need to analyze yourself and this relationship and see where you have essentially taught them, trained them, that it is OK to step on top of your toes, invade your boundaries, not treat you with respect. A client of mine is constantly complaining that he is not paid enough for what he does. People around him have gotten promotions, incredible raises, bonuses, and he remains at the same salary position he’s been at for the last five years, and he’s petrified of asking for a raise. He has befriended his boss, so they’re confidants shall we say, and he does not want to rock that relationship boat. He feels a misguided sense of loyalty, and my advice to him is this is business. I think this boss knows perfectly well that he is not able to ask for a raise, and it’s to the boss’s advantage to keep him at this particular status, the status quo. This boss is not going to do it for him. He needs to teach him what his worth is, and what his value is! He’s been there for five years.
(1:58) This is a common theme. If you’re in a relationship in which you feel taken advantage of, or belittled or invaded, you need to take responsibility that you have somehow trained them. You’re not the victim, and you cannot be blaming someone else for this. Take back your power. Take back your sense of strength and self-loyalty and assert your boundaries. Tell people what is OK and what is not OK. Advise people in a gentle, kind, loving way, that it is not OK to treat you with disrespect or to belittle or humiliate you in public. If people are doing that and you’re not calling them on it, you need to analyze your own inability to stand up and tell them where you’re at, OK? I’m empowering you, I’m asking you to be brave to teach your friends and family, and coworkers and bosses, and whomever, how it is that is appropriate to treat you. What is appropriate in dealing with you? You have that right. I believe in you!
Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, CCC, RPP, RPE
Holistic Psychotherapist
Masters in Educational Psychology
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Registered Polarity Educator
Reiki Master
New Decision Therapy
Throughout the years I have heard it all, seen it all, tasted it all, experienced it all physically, mentally and spiritually. Through this I have learned a valuable lesson; Action is more powerful than words when it comes to treating others with respect.
I have walked the road of poverty where I have seen many many faces with tears of no end. People who are treated like scum and forced into a life of misery, which most certainly shows no respect for a human life. People love to use the words of love and respect, but at the same time they place price tags on this, making people out to be merchandise. This is not opinion but this is fact.
If one has never suffered in the grooves of poverty, then such a person does not know what hell is and can therefore not pass any judgement on a poor person for being poor. This is exactly what is happening throughout the world today, which unveils how much disrespect people have for each other.
The truth here is; Any human being is not human when he or she disregards the life of another human being, nomatter rich or poor, white, black or brown. People talk about love and respect, but most have no idea of what the true meaning of love and respect is all about by the way they treat outsiders.
A few years back I even challenged the President of our country through the media to just for one week put on the broken shoes of the poor and walk the road they walk. Not surprised, he did not accept my challenge, which clearly shows that his high tower has no respect for the poor. How does one then respect a President like this, who treats the poor like scum.
With many proven facts, I can go on until the cows come home, but let me end with; Do not expect good treatment and respect, if you do not treat and respect others. Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you. This saying give me crap and I will throw that crap back.