Dear Victoria
My grandmother passed away last summer, and I’m still having trouble coping with her death. What made it extremely hard for me, is that I heard the news from complete strangers who randomly showed up at my front door a few days after she died. I had not seen her in months, and I didn’t get to say goodbye to her or tell her that I loved her. I still feel she is with me sometimes, but it’s not the same. I miss her a lot, and I wish she was still here. How can I move on when I still have regrets?
Daisy
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Dear Daisy,
You are clearly grieving the loss of someone very special to you. You were also deprived of the ability to say goodbye and it happened very unexpectedly. This fact seems to intensify the grief process. Our minds seem to need a completion experience in order to move on faster. It is like our brain cannot let go unless we totally feel like we understand what went on with the person that is leaving. Therefore sudden loss tends to promote shock and trauma feelings more than the loss of people that go slowly where there is time to process what is happening.
The thing that I feel is so important in cases like yours is to know that we are not only our physical bodies. In fact we are a vibratory essence, in my opinion, that lives on beyond our physical form. My feeling is that your grandmother is around you and probably trying to send you some sort of support and loving energy. It is probably why she may be hanging around. She may want to know that you are at peace before she can move on. She needs to move on but she may be waiting for you to let her go.
I want to encourage you to write her a letter telling her what you did not say. Create a ceremony in which you read the letter out loud and send her messages of love and of letting go. At the end of the ceremony burn the letter and feel her receiving the essence of your love and the words you wrote to her. Encourage her to move on telling her that you are fine and that she can move on with her transition journey without regret. Commit to letting go of any regrets you may have as well.
There is a great book called Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives by Michael Newton that really explores wonderfully what I am speaking of. The book may comfort you so that you can move on. Also a grief recovery support group may be a good option for you to share with others that are feeling what you are feeling.
Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, CCC, RPP, RPE
Holistic Psychotherapist
Masters in Educational Psychology
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Registered Polarity Educator
Reiki Master
New Decision Therapy
