Having expectations around the holiday season can be a big trigger and one of the biggest themes that I am seeing commonly during this time of the year. As we gear up towards the festivities, the key issues that seem to be rearing their ugly heads are expectations and disappointments. With both of these concepts comes a measure of anxiety. This is a stressful time no matter how you slice or dice it. There are the family-of-origin issues to handle and all the reactions therein. Then the media tends to put pressure on what a “good” holiday ought to be like. Not to mention the financial pressure and the over spending issues. There are so many different pressures that make it a very challenging time for most people.
During the holidays, I encourage everyone to be very ginger with their expectations. I suggest trying to stay away from romanticizing the holidays. Try to keep levels of expectations quite low and accepting of what is right in front of you. The lower your expectation is, the lower your disappointment level is going to be. Around this time, media encouraged expectations can distort one’s mind. The expectation of what the holiday should look like, how it should feel, what you’re going to get or how people are going to react to a gift you are giving seems to dominate the mental landscape. Also expectations of how you’re going to behave in terms of food and drink are afoot as well. These all bring to so many a feelings of deep unease. Managing the expectations by staying in the moment and by staying realistic are some of the medicines for navigating the season relatively safely.
If anyone is feeling like this about the holiday season, know that you are not alone. Also know that you have the right to take care of your emotional, physical and spiritual well being. If you don’t look after it, who will?
The Escape Plan
I am not a fan of people staying in toxicity for too long. A good idea is to give yourself an escape plan if you are in a situation that you find is violating, abusive or addiction oriented during the holidays especially. Self care is so critical during these times. And you need to give yourself the proper means to do it, with a car, money for a cab or strength in your body and mind to move away from the situation figuratively and literally. Make sure you have people that you can call who will support you. Some of you may need to ask a friend to be your back up plan. If so you need to tell them that if you really feel challenged with your family or food or whatever you will be calling on them. Or if you don’t have that, find a safe place, a sanctuary, for you to retreat to if you need to. If you’re an addict, make sure you’re in touch with your sponsor and get to a 12 step meeting asap. This can be a time where addictions really heighten.
Breathing
Be very mindful of your breathing. Try to keep how you breathe consciously slow, deliberate and deep, so you’re not triggering the fight-or-flight response.
Your holiday Version
I would encourage people who don’t have a place to go or don’t have family that they feel healthy around to create something for themselves. Make sure that there is a movie to go to or a lovely walk to be taken. Also giving to others is very healing. Go and volunteer at a place where people need you and you will feel full and nurtured. It is pretty amazing to give to others, especially when you’re feeling down.
S.A.D.
Seasonal Affective Disorder can affect so many due to the shorter days and the darkness outside. Please make sure you are up on your vitamin D. 2 to 3 drops of liquid D daily has been shown to positively affect the mind during the dark days. Also daily exposure for mere minutes of a full spectrum light will assist with S.A.D. Take extra fish oil and if you are not on an anti-depressant (and I do say that specifically because you can’t mix 5-HTP and an anti-depressant) you could take some 5-HTP, 100mg in the morning just to keep uplifted. It is an amino acid complex that helps to encourage serotonin production is fine to go off of when you are feeling fine again.
These are the kind of things that are about supporting yourself and keeping you clear for the holidays. I wish you all a happy and healthy holiday season! And if you’re not happy, at least manage it all deliberately and consciously so that you are taking care of self.
Have a wonderful New Year. I am thinking about you and encouraging you to take care of yourself.
Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, CCC, RPP, RPE
Holistic Psychotherapist
Masters in Educational Psychology
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Registered Polarity Educator
Reiki Master
New Decision Therapy
