You cannot have a good relationship with life if your relationship with yourself is off the rails. Developing a “right” relationship” with oneself requires a discipline of one’s thinking and a willingness to be in a teachable state of being with life. When living from these principles, a deep “right”ness” with self and life will develop.
Watch Your Negative Running Commentary!
Become aware on a regular basis of what your running commentary is in your mind about anything. Watch what you are thinking on a regular basis because that is influencing your vibration. Science has proven that one’s thoughts alter our megahertz vibration. Since we know that like gravitates to like, whatever your vibration is, will determine what you are attracting toward yourself. If your running commentary is worst-case scenario oriented, you are more likely to attract towards yourself negative states of being.
What I often tell my clients to do, and what I myself do when I catch myself in a running commentary that is negative, I stop everything! Catching yourself is so important. Ask yourself if you are in HALT. This is an acronym for Hungry, Angry Lonely and/or Tired. Being in any one or a combination of those states requires that you stop everything (HALT!) and immediately make yourself a priority no matter what is going on. Tending to your needs is a healing experience that will get you “right” with yourself, which will in turn get you quickly “right” with the world. Begin to engage in positive thoughts about life as soon as you realize you have been in a negative state for too long. You may not believe the positive statements you are saying initially, but fake it until you make it!
Do not take my word for it. Try it yourself and observe the change in your life when you change your inner running commentary. I encourage you to do an affirmation like, “Everything is working out better than I expect.” which takes care of any negative expectations. This affirmation is so important to repeat often especially when you are challenging yourself or when you are afraid of a situation you are in. The mind has something positive to attach to instead of the negative fear monger within. Another good affirmation is “The universe is conspiring in my favour. All is well and I am safe.” This is a glorious affirmation to meditate on and visualize. Even just saying, “All is well” repeatedly like a mantra helps get that negative running commentary neutralized, and it will help anxiety come down as well.
Gratitude is so important also. Going immediately into gratitude, even in a negative situation is a good discipline to practice. Being grateful for whatever, even for being alive, able to breathe, able to talk in a negative situation can shift everything. You may find that your entire thinking state shifts quickly as soon as you go into the vibration of gratitude.
Future Worry Much?
Are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Are you obsessed with worry about the future even though things in the present are ok… even good? If so, you are sabotaging your present moment. Getting into “right” relationship with yourself and with life requires that you be present moment focused. Future worrying; that is living as if something bad is going to happen, even though you are in a positive situation—a good relationship or a good job is steering you away from the “right” relationship with self.
Here’s a key. If you understand the unconscious positive motivations behind a negative pattern you will be able to neutralize that negative pattern.
Ask yourself why you engage in the pattern of never banking on a positive outcome. One possible unconscious positive motivation is that you may be trying to gain control over life. By focusing in on the negative outcome you think you are mitigating a potential blindside by failure or disappointment. So you say: “Why even expect success? Stay in the negative and just avoid feeling disappointed in life.” In this way, you think you have a sense of control over life. Unfortunately this way of conducting life does not get you the kind of control you seek. It is so far from the very purpose we were put here for. To learn, to grow and to evolve. Not only does it not give you control, it negates any learning that may occur from the present day situations you are in. It creates a very small and addicted to safety life. It negates the ability to accept that life is complicated and messy yet filled with opportunity to evolve. The truth is the other shoe may drop. The bad thing may happen. They may leave you. It may not be perfect, but that’s just life. Stop trying to control it. Get into the moment and learn all you can from that moment. This is “right” relationship to life’s messiness.
Blame Versus Responsibility
When you are in “right” relationship with life you are clear about the difference between blame and responsibility. They are on opposite sides of a spectrum. Even though many people would think they are doing the same thing, when they blame themselves or when they take responsibility for something, they are in fact doing opposite things. When you are in blame, you are in a negative state, you are creating low self-esteem and you are engaging in your bully self. You lose all sense of self value and worth. And your ability to perceive the situation as a learning opportunity instead becomes a punishment sentence. It is imprisonment versus rehabilitation. Continual self blame will encourage a state of depression.
On the other hand, when you take responsibility for something, you acknowledge that you have done something wrong, but you are in a proactive, positive state of being that is looking to transform the situation. You are taking measures to correct whatever you have done. You are in a state of humility, openness and positivity. You are seeing that nothing is happening without a purpose. Your “right” relationship mentality encourages you to take negative experiences in stride so that you can be in a teachable state of being.
Staying There!
I am very cognisant of the fact that all of the above cannot be sustained without a constant practice of mind discipline and getting some sort of support. We all need to have some sort of encouragement that would keep us away from the almighty tempting negative talking bully head. Getting into a “right” relationship” with self and life requires that you discipline your thinking on a regular basis. It is not easy to stay on the path. Tools like: meditation, visualization, therapy, journaling, service work, non addiction oriented behaviour, mentorship relationships, being physically proactive with your health, surrounding yourself with positive like minded support and prayer are all helpful to stay on the path. Even if you fall off the path periodically, the more committed you are to “right” relationship with self and life, the easier it will be to stay there.
