Transcribed from my youtube video at www.youtube.com/askvictoria
Healthy relationship needs boundaries in order to survive. Say yes only when you truly mean it. Fill your own cup first and then give to others only when there is an overflow. Without this there is a break down that cannot be mended.
Today’s topic is boundaries. They are essential to a healthy relationship. Basically, most people have trouble with boundaries if they’ve grown up in an extremely patriarchal type family, in which their needs and wants were not important. The anger they had was not allowed to be expressed, and so it became anger turned inward, usually resulting in depression and complete disregard for their own needs, their value and sense of self. Fast forward: a client of mine is having a very difficult time with boundaries in an adult relationship. He’s not able to set his own boundaries. It’s a completely foreign concept to this person, that he has a right to boundaries, to his needs, to be heard, and so do we all. We have to fill our own cup first before we give to others. We’ve got to fill our own needs, fill our own sense of self before we give to others. We need to create an overflow, and giving from that overflow is healthy.
(1:35) I encourage you always to look at your life, your relationships, to see whether you are giving up on yourself, completely allowing yourself to be boundary-less, then feeling resentful or without any sense of value in a relationship. If you find yourself in that situation, you need to step right back, whether you’re hungry, angry, alone or tired, and you need to halt and assess. In that assessment, say to yourself, “I am of value and I need to set boundaries. I need to say no when I feel like saying no, and only say yes when I feel like saying yes.”
