Transcribed from my video at www.youtube.com/askvictoria.

Multi-generational dysfunction is pervasive. People are doing to their kids what was done to them largely because they are totally unaware and mired in their own rage and shame. The lack of recognizing this is what make the repetition occur over and over. With each generation the abuse becomes more ingrained and more destructive. People need to commit to some sort of consciousness raising experience like therapy in order to move beyond the nightmare of dysfunction.

The buck stops with you! I often see repetitive family dynamics occurring generation after generation after generation. I recently had the privilege of witnessing five generations of dysfunction, all stemming from deep, deep rooted hurt and resentment, of a mother, generations back, being overly involved with the son and very neglectful of the daughter. That daughter then had two children, and that daughter did the exact same thing, unaware, unconscious, overly pampering the son, neglecting the daughter. That daughter had two kids, and the rage that that daughter perpetrated on her children, yelling and screaming bloody hell, really raging at her children. Deep, deep anger, resentment and frustration launched at her children. Those children, one of them, has a child, and that child does the same thing. My heart goes out to that child because I can imagine that child, who’s now an adult, felt deeply sad, hurt, harmed, shocked, traumatized by such profound emotional abuse and emotional frustration being launched at her. I know from the fact that I know human nature that that person probably did not want to do the same thing to her child but here she is doing the same, exact same behaviour to her own child. It’s a really tragic thing to see such repetition occur without any sort of awareness or consciousness, and nothing is going to change without awareness and consciousness. You need to declare to yourself that the buck stops with you, that the dysfunction stops with you, that you are choosing to stop all repetition of family patterns and dynamics immediately. As soon as you realize you are doing it, you have to declare an awareness that you’re doing it and get into some therapy so you can process this shame that you’re carrying and perpetrating on the next generation. Without awareness nothing will change and without therapy nothing will change. It will be just the same shit, excuse my language, different day, and the same crap, different generation.

(2:50) I hate to say it, but with a lack of awareness and consciousness, it gets worse, and more ingrained, generation after generation. It seems like it gets worse the more generations it’s permitted to stick around. I’m here to tell you it will not change unless you decide to change it. And I really encourage you to look very deeply into your soul and see whether you are repeating any of your family dynamics, and if you are, I urge you to get out of that repetition, to own your stuff, to take responsibility for what you are doing, which clearly is no longer your mother’s fault, your father’s fault, your grandmother’s fault–it’s yours! It’s yours, and you have got to decide that you want not to do this to your child. Please hear me when I say it doesn’t get better with time. It just gets worse with time, if you don’t interfere it and interrupt it and stop it yourself.

(4:00) Take care, be aware, be conscious, see if you are repeating patterns from your ancestors and from the people before you. If you are, you are responsible. It’s you now. Buck stops with you.

Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, CCC, RPP, RPE
Holistic Psychotherapist
Masters in Educational Psychology
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Registered Polarity Educator
Reiki Master
New Decision Therapy