Transcribed from my video at www.youtube.com/askvictoria.

Anna experienced an emotionally withholding mother and now finds herself projecting her anger on to her adult love relationships. She also attracts emotionally unavailable men into her life. This video is about getting over that anger and being able to attract better relationships into her life.

Today I am answering from a viewer, Anna, who has written me about her difficult relationship with her mother. She’s 35 now, and her mother, in the way she experienced her, was extremely manipulative, masochistic, and worst of all, withholding of her love, and she finds herself repeating a series of relationships with men, in which she projects that anger onto them. She also, unconsciously, is attracting men to her who are withholding and unavailable, and she finds herself feeling extremely frustrated. Her relationships end because of this repetition, and she experiences incredible pain as she repeats the relationship with her mother with these men. She asks, “What do I do? How do I deal with this anger from so far away and so long ago, and how do I move on?”

(1:20) Anna, number one, my heart goes out to you, because there is so much pain when you have a parent who has not given you the kind of love you deserve—we all do. I want to say that I really feel for you. And it’s common, so you’re not alone. And it’s common to repeat this with the people in your life. So in order not to continually attract to yourself the same kind of man—unconsciously you’re doing this in a bid to resolve this strong pattern in your life. The good news is that you’ve woken up to the fact that there’s a pattern, and that’s the first step.

(2:15) The second step is a process of re-parenting yourself. I would like you to sit quietly in your room, often, and visualize yourself taking care of yourself as a little girl. Give yourself, the little girl, little Anna, unconditionally nurturing love. Visualize yourself being the mom that you needed and didn’t have. Visualize yourself telling little Anna, “You’re enough, Anna. You matter. You’re important to me. I love you.” This is something you’ve got to retrain your whole being to do. And the only way you’re going to bring into your life the kind of relationships that you crave is, first and foremost, be the kind of person towards yourself that you need to have in your life. Create a relationship with yourself that is very intimate, loving, forgiving and compassionate, and repeat that in your visualizing, daily if you can. Notice changes occur in your life, and they will occur by your constant affirming, “I am enough. I have enough. And there is more than enough in the universe for me.”

(3:30) If you do those regularly, and visualize regularly yourself as a little girl, and yourself giving the little girl in you the kind of parenting you did not have, you will slowly but surely (this I know) transform your entire vibration. And the vibration will transform to then attract towards yourself the kind of people, like the person that you are now being with yourself. Keep me posted, because I think that if you do this, you will find your life transforming right before your very eyes, and I’d really like to have you tell me and the audience how you’re doing. Have a wonderful day Anna, and once again, I’m thinking about you, and would love to hear more from you. Be good to yourself.

Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, CCC, RPP, RPE
Holistic Psychotherapist
Masters in Educational Psychology
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Registered Polarity Educator
Reiki Master
New Decision Therapy